Dreams: My First Poem

Hello!
I found your work in the Lit Critique Thread and I'm critiquing this as part of ^Beccalicious's Twelve days of Critmas

I note that you mentioned this is your first attempt at writing a poem, well done if that's the case, you've got a nice idea going here. I think that because your first verse starts off with a rhyme, it sort of sets up the rest of the piece and you don't follow through with the same pattern. So perhaps look at maybe changing your first verse slightly to be in keeping with the 'free verse' theme of the rest of the poem and the category you've placed it in here on deviantART. You've got some nice alliteration in the first verse which is great, stars shimmering.

The second verse is nice, it's to the point, succinct and fairly simple in stanzas. Again with the third verse this pattern works well. I like how you've kept linear with your use of 'dreams.' The final verse is slightly different in appearance but again reads well. However you seem to have ended this with the one line at the bottom that doesn't fit in well with the rest of it. Maybe consider making this into a final verse? However I like the theme throughout the poem, the idea of dreams and that at the end she's steadfastly ignoring the fact that they aren't reality. So you've got a really nice underlying idea going on here - well done for that!

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